Memo

Memo- Voided BPL Stock Certificates

2008-08-22T12:53:00Z

BPL Headquarters, Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York, USA
Office Of Voided Documents, Department Of Artificial Aspects, Marketing Section, Propaganda Division

20 March, 2008

***********************M E M O R A N D U M***********************

   The Enclosed Brower Propulsion Laboratory Stock Certificate has been declared 'Null and Void' by this office for the purposes of flashing it around and trying to seduce prospective investors. It should be pointed out that, due to the unique nature of Brower Propulsion Laboratory's Corporate Structure, this document loses none of its intrinsic value despite its nullification. In fact, to date, as this is the only 'Null and Void' document in the entire BPL Filing System, it is unique, and therefore a teeny bit more valuable than its "fully valid" counterparts. Collectors of such ephemera as 'double minted coins' and 'Inverted Jenny' stamps should be expected to greedily paw at this singular piece of history.

   Speaking of which, the intended purpose of the document, alluded to earlier, is to provide physical evidence of the possession of shares in this recently incorporated aerospace manufacturing company. New owners of shares of BPL will gain membership to a burgeoning American Elite. They will not be subjected to the traditional tedium of following their stock's value over time; nor will they have to worry about making decisions and voting for or against plans concerning the Company's future. Because the Company is incorporated under its own laws (see mention of Soloanthropy in the Brower Propulsion Laboratory Corporate Philosophy-Doc# BPL-05607), it doesn't have to answer to external regulations. Moreover, the company hasn't really got any profit motive, employees, or tangible capital, other than some funny gadgets and a 1978 Mercedes 300 Deisel. In essence, you get what you pay for, an unprecedented phenomenon in American investment. Because of this innovation, just one of many to BPL's credit, Company profits will always increase, and investor risk never will. This worry - free kind of investment may indeed someday become the standard by which all American companies are judged.
   Brower Propulsion Laboratory stock is fully guaranteed for the life of the investment and can be exchanged at any time for more stock. There is no limit to the number of shares that can be purchased, although investors must submit to having their contact information entered into BPL's Stock Ledger, held at BPL Headquarters. Price of stock varies; its value does not.

BPL-002, Outsourcing Mission To China

2008-08-22T12:48:13Z

20 February, 2008

BPL Corporate Headquarters
Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York
Propaganda Division,
Office of Identification,
Department of Trinkets

***************************PUBLIC MEMORANDUM***************************

   It has come to the attention of the Executive office that a BPL employee's girlfriend has been given the opportunity to visit China for six (6) weeks. Certainly, this turn of events represents some kind of achievement on her part, some accolade or accomplishment worthy of applause. But we are not concerned with that happy circumstance at this juncture.
   What we at BPL are interested in is the fact that this could be an opportunity to finally have a BPL product manufactured in China. This would represent yet another notch in our corporate belt, legitimacy-wise. And you, fair member of the consuming public, can help.
   Brower Propulsion Laboratory must raise $1,226.47 USD (at least) to send our employee to China on a secret mission. Ostensibly, he will be there to help her with the aforementioned accomplishment, but in reality, he will be carrying out BPL-002, our second official mission. He will be making, by hand, small, tourist style landscape paintings of the Chinese landscape in Henan province and environs. These products will represent BPL's foray into global manufacturing. In keeping with BPL's other activities, this mission will be underfunded and lack in certain vital components, such as intellect, but will at least be guaranteed to be accomplished (owing to low expectations).
   WHAT YOU CAN DO:
To help Brower Propulsion Laboratory carry out its second mission, you can send a check or money order to:
   Steven Brower
   393 Bushwick Avenue
   Brooklyn, NY 11206
   USA
Please make this instrument payable to "Steven Brower"
   WHAT YOU WILL GET:
At the completion of the mission you will receive by post:
   1) Hand made-in-China-by-American landscape sketch art painting or similar, at least 5" X 7" in dimension, signed, dated, and otherwise verified at the point of manufacture.
   2) Complete BPL Mission Report, in inimitable yet cheap BPL style
FOR ADDITIONAL DONATIONS BEYOND THE 50 BUCKS, YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE:
   3) A Certificate Of Authenticity, suitable for filing, which describes your artwork painting sketch in exhaustive detail, places it in the context of other patrons' gifts, numerically, and is wax-sealed and shiny.
   4) One (1) share of BPL, represented by our new "Stock Certificate", which, while having no cash value, is nonetheless quite sincere, gesture-wise.
   It is hardly necessary to emphasize the importance for BPL to have a global presence. As the smallest and least well equipped of all known aerospace manufacturing companies, we have to be innovative when it comes to production. For instance, we can think of no other company that doesn't even pay its employees as a matter of policy. So for us to have a facility in China, spewing out our products at unheard of rates and for unheard of rates, albeit manifested as just one person doodling on a kind of vacation, is a chance of a lifetime. If BPL is something you have never heard of, please look at our website, browerpropulsionlab.com, or that of one of our employees, stevenbrower.com. At these sites you can download information about past missions and half-assed plans, previous schemes and future intentions.
   This mission is scheduled to take place beginning in mid April, 2008. Multiple orders are welcomed, but pre payment is necessary. You should receive your Mission Relics by the beginning of June, 2008. If you would like an email update of the mission planning and other "progress", just let us know.
   From the management team at BPL, we want to sincerely thank you for your support, such as it is.

PIST- BPL's Phone Integrated Service Terminal

2008-08-15T23:03:58Z

BPL Headquarters,
Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York, USA
10 March, 2008

********PROJECT DOCUMENT - NOT FOR DISTRIBUTION********
BROWER PROPULSION LABORATORY PHONE INTEGRATED SERVICE TERMINAL (PIST)

CONTENTS:
SCRIPT FOR AUTOMATED, TELEPHONE ACCESSED PUBLIC LIASON, ONLY LESS SO.
Notes: main menu numbered items 1-6. Sub menus labeled 1.x, 1.x.x, etc. Audio portions generally between * and *; excluding items between < and > and indicating numbers.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************
OGM:
* Hello, and welcome to Brower Propulsion Laboratory's PIST system. The Phone Integrated Service Terminal's Menu has changed so please listen carefully. You can access the Main Menu at any time by pressing (1). To get serviced even faster, you can find BPL on the Web at browerpropulsionlab.com. *
***********************************************************************************
1.

   * To hear a brief description of BPL's products, services, philosophy, history, purpose, background, provenance, credentials, legal peccadilloes, and prospects, press (2);

2.   * To hear a list of current BPL Mission Descriptions, press (3);

3.    * To access our VRCE System, our Voice Recognition Character Emulator, so that you may use your voice rather than your keypad to navigate the PIST System, press (4);

4.    * For complaints and technical questions, press (5);

5.    * To order replacement parts for any of BPL's spacecraft, or for other orders, press (6);

6.    * To hear this Menu again, press (1) *
***********************************************************************************
1.1
    * BPL originates, develops, and prosecutes space missions with little or no money and very little know-how. Its various departments, offices, positions, and assets are all represented by one person, for the sake of convenience. BPL positions itself at the forefront of the aerospace industry in terms of its lack of resources and capabilities. Founded late in the 20th century, Brower Propulsion Laboratory was created to fill a niche in the aerospace field. While many large corporations and small companies have been formed to satisfy military, scientific, and prestige goals, none have yet been organized around the principal of disutility. The missions that BPL creates and carries out are developed in spite of the lack of many elements that other organizations find indispensable. For instance, the absence of a skill and knowledge base at BPL does not hinder its progress in the least. Similarly, the fact that BPL possesses neither assets nor appreciable income does not prevent it from completing missions. Having no staff or employees is not an impediment. The reason these things don't matter in the case of BPL, but would cripple any normal company, is simply that BPL is only motivated by doing. The basic goal of each mission at BPL is to do something. While this goal hovers in the background of every exploratory or inquisitive endeavor undertaken by individual or corporation, rarely does it maintain its prominence when compared with other motivational options such as profit, prestige, dominance, sustenance, mating, etc. BPL has become the leading innovator with this technique in the industry. To date, BPL has executed numerous missions and tests, and has constructed a whole line of equipment of limited utility. Our projects include: The complete reconstruction of a Lunar Excursion Module Ascent Stage, originally as employee housing, then as a public feasibility demonstration. Our LEM is now hanging in the Museum Of Flight, in Seattle, Washington. We constructed a reiteration of the Apollo era A7lB space suit used on the moon in the 1970's. Our Munin and Limper exploration missions are ongoing, and we recently completed BPL-001, Conrad Carpenter's Funeral Mission, which launched the deceased astronaut-handyman's remains into the atmosphere over his ancestral birthplace in Wales, UK. Our future projects will include a docking mission, and several new balloon based experiments, as well as BPL-002, a manufacturing expansion to China.

1.2    * To hear a list of current BPL Mission Descriptions, press (3);

1.3    * To return to the Main Menu, press (1);

1.4    * To hear a historical recording of the first BPL press conference, press (2);

1.5    * To order stock in BPL, press (6) *
***********************************************************************************

2.1
    * Currently BPL is working on MUNIN, LIMPER, BPL-002, a manufacturing mission in China, and BPL-003, a docking mission between a BPL spacecraft and various earthbound objects. The LIMPER rover mission is an attempt to conduct an extraterrestrial exploration mission without leaving the Earth, which is much less expensive and dirty than going all the way to Mars. With mathematics, we can extrapolate everything we need to know about other planets so that we never need to go anywhere. We can just stay in our room if we want.... Munin is a lander based on the 1970's Viking project. BPL's mission will use the science of the 1970's to prove that there is no life on Earth. As these missions are capital intensive, and BPL is still recovering from a financial scandal involving a high priced call-center ring, progress is slow. See the website for details. BPL-002 is a 'piggy back' mission to China. An employee's partner was invited to China for legitimate purposes. Seizing the opportunity, BPL has arranged to send our man along, equipped with a custom made AAS, or Art Application System, so that he may execute touristic sketch art paintings, which will be sold to our non existent clients upon his return. This is an extremely economical way for BPL to expand its production base to China, just like every other American company, and we expect this process to add greatly to our legitimacy, if not our coffers. In a single occupancy company like BPL, outsourcing and travel coincide.

2.2    * To hear Mission Control Live, press (2);

2.3    * To hear the thought of the day, press (3) *
***********************************************************************************

3.1
    * Welcome to the VRCE System, BPL's voice recognition Character Emulator, part of the PIST System, the Phone Integrated Service Terminal of Brower Propulsion Laboratory. To initiate the system, without pressing any buttons, and we can't emphasize this enough - you wouldn't believe how many people push buttons at this point, so please, just speak without your hands, and say "Knickers and Cheesy Fries"... You said "Bumper Sticker", is that right?...Please say "Knickers and Cheesy Fries" directly into the part of the phone that is not pressed against your ear... I'm sorry, you said "parsley with a hint of butter and a six pack of wine coolers". To initiate the system we will need to get a sample of your voice so that our patented software can adjust to your particular speaking patterns. Please speak slowly and clearly and say "I guess it depends on what the definition of is is, and if is is not what you say it is, then what is it?"... You said "truck it", is that right? I'll return you to the main menu while you decide whether or not you want to cooperate. Thanks! *
***********************************************************************************

4.1
    * Welcome to the Troubleshooting Department. Please find someplace comfortable to ensconce yourself, maybe go to the bathroom first and call back if you have a cord on your phone, as this may take a while, due, needless to say, to Brower Propulsion Laboratory's unrelenting commitment to service, divided by prodigious call volume. We wouldn't want you to be distracted while we take your very important information, and we wouldn't want you somehow to be tempted to lash out at innocent phone operators, just because you are not prepared to go through the Troubleshooting process.

4.2    * If you have a question about installation or adjustment of a BPL Spacecraft, press (2);

4.3    * If you have found a BPL product on your property or what used to be your property, press (3);

4.4    * Please note that while the PIST system is functioning 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, we are closed for Easter . To complain about this, press (...)

4.5    * If you have a complaint not covered so far by this menu, please reduce your level of expectation and try again. If you still have a problem, push buttons at random. Remember, you can't reduce your score by guessing. *
***********************************************************************************

5.1
    * Thank you for ordering genuine Brower Propulsion Laboratory replacement parts. Our products are unconditionally guaranteed to last the lifetime of the product. And sometimes even longer. Each BPL spacecraft is composed entirely of custom made components generated in our manufacturing section, excepting in other instances. All parts are in stock and many are interchangeable. Many parts have something to do with computers. To efficiently direct your call, please answer the following questions using your touchtone keypad. Is the part you want long and skinny, or short and fat? Press (2) or (3) respectively. Is the part you want bumpy or smooth? again with the (2) or (3). Can you fit the part you want in your pocket or is it a little too big? Press (2) for pocket sized, and (3) for over pocket sized. Finally, is the part you're looking for particularly smelly, or does it have no discernible odor? (2) or (3)... We don't have that part, sorry.

5.2    * If you would like to purchase stock in Brower Propulsion Laboratory, press (4). Buying stock in BPL is a good idea, because you always know your stock is of the same high quality as all BPL's other great products - and each share in the company comes with a guarantee. So press (4).

5.3    * If you'd like to order some other BPL product, such as our 'Pill To Give Astronauts The Sensation Of Shopping', press (5) *

5.4    * Brower Propulsion Laboratory also offers a number of products you can order for your own space program, or to reduce your surplus resources. These include selections from the "Space Bodega", vacuum dried, salted and compressed prepared snack food products in sealed '5G' containers; a device to allow astronauts to smoke cigarettes in low pressure environments; a nose beacon for hip but lost astronauts, 'Squeet', squeezable meat, in a host of flavors with condiment compartments, so that astronauts may create sandwiches without utensils, or for direct ingestion from the tube; a line of 'Prantiques', or pre-antiques, which, briefly, are anticipatory products that are not yet made in expectation of their appearance in the nostalgia market, at which point they are actually created in small numbers to increase their value. These include future space films about the past which has not yet occurred, and post preretro jewelry found in tombs launched into space on future BPL Missions. Other products include a test space suit for vacuum chamber work with a chimp or precocious orphan; a space rated watercolor set, called an AAS, or Art Application System, various aluminum geology tools, working but funny digital cameras, surplus electronic equipment, paintings and drawings, posters, paraphernalia, advice, and a dog walking service. Also you can order a BPL t shirt, or one of the Art Tourist China Manufacturing Mission Painting Sketches, to be created during BPL-002. Oh, press (6). *
***********************************************************************************
SPECIAL RECORDINGS
    * S1.Press Conference...

    * S2.Mission Control Live...

    * S3.Thought of the day...

    * S4.Final message:
        * Please leave a brief message for the Team at BPL, or press (1) to return to the main menu. Please be succinct and detailed. If you fail to satisfy these simple conditions, you may not be called back. These lines are not monitored for quality assurance. Too much trouble, frankly. You may only leave one message per four hour period, which should be about four times as many as necessary. *
***********************************************************************************

1.2.1        = 2.1

1.3.1        = 1

1.4.1        =

1.5.1        = 5.1
***********************************************************************************
2.2.1        =

2.3.1        =
***********************************************************************************
3.1.1        = 1

***********************************************************************************
4.2.1        = S4

4.3.1        = S4

4.4.1        =

4.5.1        = S4
***********************************************************************************
5.2.1        = S4

5.3.1        = S4

5.4.1        = S4

REPAIR OF PORTABLE MISSION CONTROL MAIN COMPUTER

2008-08-04T04:50:42Z

SYNOPSIS OF ISSUE
Arbitrary and abrupt shutdown, "Bad RTC Battery" message, orneryness. Investigation of the Interweb revealed a proclivity for this type of machine to malfunction due to an inferior design of a cable connector. Much discussion of whether or not the manufacturer designed this flaw into the machine to facilitate the increased sale of red herring batteries. Ultimately the remedy seems to be to resolder the connection after dismantling the computer.

Tools:
soldering station
magnifier
VOM
miniature screwdrivers
toothpick
cotton Swab
home made blueberry pie wedge
digital camera

After opening the case and removing several components, the power supply board was separated from the system board. The offending connector mentioned in the research documents seems to have been 'repaired' already. The 80 pin connector is surrounded by some kind of epoxy, so soldering any broken connections seems to be unlikely. Various ways of distorting and flexing the computer case and the boards were experimented with to try to get the connector to stay mated. All worked equally unsatisfactorily. The pie was consumed during deep cogitation over the problem. In typical BPL fashion, the machine was reassembled, thinking that having the thing put all together and having all the screws nice and tight would solve the problem, as it has on so many other occasions. This solution was no different from those other occasions, inasmuch as it was equally unsatisfactory. The machine sometimes still shits the bed. The next day the machine was dismantled again and a wedge of cedar was inserted under the system board to mitigate the flexing of the case. Upon reassembly, not much had changed but technicians felt relieved that at least moths would not be invading the computer and causing mayhem.
CONCLUSION
The repair team is assessing options. One option is to obtain a ribbon cable and try to 'remote' the connection, i.e., making a hole in the case and moving the power supply board outside the machine (this bulky repair has its aesthetic appeal, and is the most marketable of the solutions tabled). Another idea is to find a use for the computer which would not necessitate its being on all the time or reliably, such as in prop situations, interior decoration, or various scam scenarios involving the original source for the machine (an interweb marketplace for used or Chinese commodities). All agree that the pain in the ass about the situation is that the machine 'almost' works fine and there is a reluctance to retire it. Expensive options involve acquiring a duplicate machine, with supposedly better parts, to double the price and volume of and for an ever - growing mound at BPL of nearly - useful, once - excellent, in need of some adjustment or cleaning, technological appurtenances.

Public Memorandum

2008-02-20T03:20:10Z

It has come to the attention of the Executive ofﬁce that a BPL employeeʼs girlfriend has been given the opportunity to visit China for six (6) weeks. Certainly, this turn of events represents some kind of achievement on her part, some accolade or accomplishment worthy of applause. But we are not concerned with that happy circumstance at this juncture.

What we at BPL are interested in is the fact that this could be an opportunity to ﬁnally have a BPL product manufactured in China. This would represent yet another notch in our corporate belt, legitimacy-wise. And you, fair member of the consuming public, can help.

Brower Propulsion Laboratory must raise $1,226.47 USD (at least) to send our employee to China. Ostensibly, he will be there to help aforementioned girlfriend with the aforementioned accomplishment, but in reality, he will be carrying out BPL-002, our second ofﬁcial mission. He will be making, by hand, small, tourist style paintings of the Chinese landscape in Henan province and environs. These products will represent BPLʼs foray into global manufacturing. In keeping with BPLʼs other activities, this mission will be underfunded and lack in certain vital components, such as intellect, but will at least be guaranteed to be accomplished (owing to low expectations).

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

To help Brower Propulsion Laboratory carry out its second mission, you can send a check or money order for $50.00USD (negotiable) to:

Steven Brower
393 Bushwick Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11206
USA

Please make this instrument payable to "Steven Brower"

WHAT YOU WILL GET:

At the completion of the mission you will receive by post:

1) One (1) Hand made-in-China-by-American landscape sketch art painting or similar, at least 5" X 7" in dimension, signed, dated, and otherwise veriﬁed at the point of manufacture.

2) A complete BPL Mission Report, in inimitable yet cheap BPL style.

FOR ADDITIONAL DONATIONS BEYOND THE 50 BUCKS, YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE:

3) A Certiﬁcate Of Authenticity, suitable for ﬁling, which describes your artwork painting sketch in exhaustive detail, places it in the context of other patronsʼ gifts, numerically, and is wax-sealed and shiny.

4) One (1) share of BPL, represented by our new "Stock Certiﬁcate", which, while having no cash value, is nonetheless quite sincere, gesture-wise.

It is hardly necessary to emphasize the importance for BPL to have a global presence. As the smallest and least well equipped of all known aerospace manufacturing companies, we have to be innovative when it comes to production. For instance, we can think of no other company that doesnʼt even pay its employees as a matter of policy. So for us to have a facility in China, spewing out our products at unheard of rates and for unheard of rates, albeit manifested as just one person doodling on a kind of vacation, is a chance of a lifetime. If BPL is something you have never heard of, please look at our website, browerpropulsionlab.com, or that of one of our employees, stevenbrower.com. At these sites you can download information about past missions and half-assed plans, previous schemes and future intentions.

This mission is scheduled to take place beginning in mid April, 2008. Multiple orders are welcomed, but pre-payment is necessary, and hardly refundable. You should receive your Mission Relics by the beginning of June, 2008. If you would like an email update of the mission planning and other "progress", just let us know.

From the management team at BPL, we want to sincerely thank you for your support, such as it is.

Pecuniary Interests

2008-01-01T04:51:06Z

01 January, 2008
Office of Pecuniary Interests
Department of Optimism and Interpretation
Management Division
BPL HQ, Brooklyn

MEMO
*****************************************************************

To Whom it may concern in the Department of Information Control, Department of Outreach, and/or Department of Corporate Semaphore:

   Our office is initiating an investigation into the proclivity someone down there has for giving away BPL artifacts. While it is stated in our corporate mission objectives that BPL 'originates, develops, and prosecutes space missions with little or no money and very little know-how', we hardly think the company should be constantly divesting itself of the few assets it has accumulated through hard work, dedication, and most of all, luck, for no form of remuneration whatsoever.
   From the perspective of our ledger, it appears that any time some school, car dealership, or orphanage is having a raffle, ice cream social, bingo game, 'benefit auction' or gala, they can just call up your department and get some historically significant artifact to dispense at a profit for themselves.
   I ask you, are we spending our lives designing, prototyping, testing, perfecting these objects, (which are almost art) so that they can be flung to the winds, disassociated from their purpose, dispensed as mere trinkets to a bored and anonymous clientele? Does this self-destructive Charity really even benefit those greedy entities who expect a regular and constant influx of commodities to perpetuate their organizations (bloated and wasteful as they might be)? The value of these things comes not from the amount of money that can be garnered from their sale, but from the awareness of their significance in a social context. By giving these heirlooms away, we obliterate any value they might have, unless, by some happenstance, they are snapped up by a savvy or cunning passerby with a few coins in his pocket who knows what they are.
   BPL will not be dependent on these random events for the maintenance of its historical materials. Henceforth, any disbursal of equipment, artifacts, documents, ephemera, or office furniture, will have to be cleared through this office, as well as any others already pertinent. If we find this trickle of our lifeblood continues to seep into the bottomless vessels of 'needy organizations', punitive action will be considered. To show you that we are serious about this matter, we have been authorized to cancel the 'three legged sled race' and the 'HAM radio DX contest' for this upcoming weekend. Don't even bother to show up at the park; you'll have to think of some other activity for your families; perhaps you can take them to a charity auction - now that sounds like fun!

Regretfully,

Steven Brower
President, Green Visor Task Force
KC2SQU
CC: Propaganda Division

Safety

2006-08-19T03:48:46Z

19 August, 2006
Manufacturing Division
Safety Department
BPL New Hampshire Facility

TO:
BPL Headquarters, Brooklyn Facility

Steve-

Tests to determine relative safety of environment at the New Hampshire Facility are ongoing. The main reason for the long lead time in the tests is a bit of a chicken and egg problem. We have not been able to come up with a reliable method for making equipment which can measure the environment without running into the necessity to test and calibrate such equipment, which brings us back to needing to devise new pieces of equipment. Every time we make something to measure the environment here, we begin to question the factors which influenced the design of the test itself. We ask HQ to come up with some kind of baseline, or standard by which we can zero out our measurements. If this request cannot be fulfilled, I am afraid we will be involved in and infinite regress.
Thanks!

S.B.
Safety Department Coordination

Carpenter estate

2006-04-08T03:50:14Z

08 April, 2006

BPL Headquarters, Brooklyn, NY

Steve-

I know you were happy when we inherited the Carpenter estate, and I agree that this event could put BPL on some kind of map, but have you guys come up
with any ideas about what to do with his corpse? The space agency is writing me letters demanding we return the equipment he 'borrowed' when he left the astronaut corps. (No pun intended, I guess); we've got to do something with this stuff.

I was thinking, and just hear me out on this, that since its been determined he's got no family, maybe we should look into his genealogy and find out where his ancestors came from. I know this sounds stupid and that we can't afford it, but what if we whipped a mission together where we send his ashes a couple hundred thousand feet up into the troposphere, above his ancestral breeding grounds, and spread them there? At least maybe he can get into space now, like in a reduced form. And then we could display the capsule and his equipment and make some hay out of what altruists we are for trying to honor his memory and shit like that. Then maybe we can keep the artifacts, be rid of the remains, and end up in a position to advance the missions we really want to do, like the Mars on Earth stuff, and get some support from the old timers and the more established aerospace community. I just hope his ancestors don't hail from too far away.

Get back to me this afternoon about the idea; check with the hardware guy and see if we can come up with something to launch like a 3 - 7 lb. payload. Also ask him where the fuck my chair is; I sent it down there two weeks ago.

Ephemeral memorandum

2005-09-25T03:47:31Z

20 September, 2005
Department of Ephemera
BPL HQ

*****CONFIDENTIAL*****

Steve;

I was visiting a museum last weekend and I noticed that an entire exhibit was sponsored by one of our larger aerospace competitors. From what I could see, everything was essentially reject parts and mocked - up equipment from a dusty storage room put in plastic boxes. You know, we could do that. Would give us the opportunity to clean up a bit around here. It would cost very little and we could get some much needed promoting work done. However, I think most of the museums would be uninterested in what we have to offer. But, I was thinking, why not do something radical; how about art? We could have the exhibition in an art gallery; they will put up just about anything as you know, and perfectly viable people visit galleries, even though they are mostly adults. Now that I think of it, that kind of demographic might actually be a little more discriminating than a bunch of kids on a class trip; we might have to generate some "substance". Nonetheless, I think its an idea...
Maybe we can talk about it at lunch-

Aleatory Control

2000-05-22T03:46:30Z

22 May, 2000
Office of Aleatory Control
BPL HQ, Brooklyn, NY

*************************MEMO***************************

It has come to our attention that the hold on pay has begun to affect morale. While no one has full control over the vicissitudes of this industry, we can assure you that it will all work out for the best; just hang in there. It would be unfair to suggest that our work is 'its own reward', but perhaps it could be considered at least a bonus. Or hazard pay. Management appreciates your patience and flexibility in these challenging times, and humbly asks you to "Keep Smiling"!

On another note, the unauthorized removal of equipment from BPL facilities is a crime and offenders will be prosecuted.

Ideas

1999-11-14T04:49:34Z

14 November, 1999
                                       Office of Floating Ideas
                                       Department of Wonder
                                       Design Division
                                       BPL HQ, Brooklyn, NY

Steve-

Thanks for your idea about the 'lever to move the world'. Without these 'big picture' concepts, our company would be nowhere. I will get the math department to start calculating the dimensions of the lever. So we are on the same page, I'll just review here: You claim some Greek guy once stated that 'with a lever long enough I could move the world'. This suggests that forces are constant whatever the scale. You could implement a series of gears to do the work of the lever in a smaller space, but the lever would be visually more simple, and provide copious space for our logo. We might have to come up with a new material or structure for a lever that big. Any ideas on the fulcrum? Off the top of my head, I was thinking we could use the moon. What do you think? We'll have to wait a bit for the calculations to come back in any case, so in the meantime, thanks for the suggestion, and keep smiling!

Memo 1

1998-07-01T03:45:08Z

1 July, 1998

HQ, Brooklyn

***************************MEMO********************************

Sadly, Headquarters has decided to postpone the 'create a slogan' contest. While we appreciate the input from employees and know that you have all given this little activity a lot of thought, we decided to put the final decision off until later. We are still committed to the company slogan being created by the people who work here, however. The slogan idea that garnered the most votes from employees was 'GOING NOWHERE FAST'. Even with the clever typographic arrangement of 'GOING NOW HERE FAST', it seemed to us at HQ that the deeper meaning of this could be lost on the uninitiated. We all agree that this slogan is a succinct way of presenting the BPL philosophy of making space equipment that will never get off the ground, however it is a bit of an inside joke. It doesn't say 'HI! How are ya?!". We at HQ know you only intended this slogan to present BPL in its best possible light to the outside world, and we're really impressed that you put your hearts and souls into this contest in spite of the cash flow issues we've been having. And in this context it would be negligent as well as insensitive not to mention the injury that occurred last month. The afflicted individual is recovering nicely, by the way. He'll be 'GOING NOWHERE FAST' in no time!
So, obviously the cutlery set will be held until the winner is finally announced and we can award it to him. The contest forms will be available if anyone has any new suggestions. Thanks to you and your families for your patience and great ideas!