Pecuniary Interests

01 January, 2008
Office of Pecuniary Interests
Department of Optimism and Interpretation
Management Division
BPL HQ, Brooklyn


To Whom it may concern in the Department of Information Control, Department of Outreach, and/or Department of Corporate Semaphore:

    Our office is initiating an investigation into the proclivity someone down there has for giving away BPL artifacts.  While it is stated in our corporate mission objectives that BPL 'originates, develops, and prosecutes space missions with little or no money and very little know-how', we hardly think the company should be constantly divesting itself of the few assets it has accumulated through hard work, dedication, and most of all, luck, for no form of remuneration whatsoever.
    From the perspective of our ledger, it appears that any time some school, car dealership, or orphanage is having a raffle, ice cream social, bingo game, 'benefit auction' or gala, they can just call up your department and get some historically significant artifact to dispense at a profit for themselves.
    I ask you, are we spending our lives designing, prototyping, testing, perfecting these objects, (which are almost art) so that they can be flung to the winds, disassociated from their purpose, dispensed as mere trinkets to a bored and anonymous clientele?  Does this self-destructive Charity really even benefit those greedy entities who expect a regular and constant influx of commodities to perpetuate their organizations (bloated and wasteful as they might be)?  The value of these things comes not from the amount of money that can be garnered from their sale, but from the awareness of their significance in a social context.  By giving these heirlooms away, we obliterate any value they might have, unless, by some happenstance, they are snapped up by a savvy or cunning passerby with a few coins in his pocket who knows what they are.
    BPL will not be dependent on these random events for the maintenance of its historical materials.  Henceforth, any disbursal of equipment, artifacts, documents, ephemera, or office furniture, will have to be cleared through this office, as well as any others already pertinent.  If we find this trickle of our lifeblood continues to seep into the bottomless vessels of 'needy organizations', punitive action will be considered.  To show you that we are serious about this matter, we have been authorized to cancel the 'three legged sled race' and the 'HAM radio DX contest' for this upcoming weekend.  Don't even bother to show up at the park; you'll have to think of some other activity for your families; perhaps you can take them to a charity auction - now that sounds like fun!


Steven Brower
President, Green Visor Task Force
CC: Propaganda Division

About this Memo

This corporate memo issued on: January 1, 2008.

Previously issued memo Safety.

Subequently issued memo Public Memorandum.

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