Department of Ephemera: May 2009 Archives

15 May, 2009
Office of Annual Events
Department of Cautious Pessimism
Management Division
BPL HQ, Brooklyn


    As is clearly stated in our Corporate Charter, (BPL DOC. 009-245-001), the Brower Propulsion Laboratory maintains a strict 'one employee policy'.  The charter also suggests that this rule cuts down on paperwork and office parties.  It has come to my attention that a birthday has been celebrated on company time, in contravention to rule 006 (No Parties).  I have discussed this infraction with the employees involved, and it has become necessary to clarify the rule.  A party is not just sitting around, blowing out candles and eating cake.  A party can also be the receipt of a package containing "presents" at work.  It can be the taking of a 'happy birthday' call on the phone- this is banned even during your break time.  At the moment we are technically incapable of enforcing this rule, but with 'web 2.0' we will soon be able to make sure you aren't having 'birthday thoughts' either.  Celebrating is perhaps important in the larger picture, maybe family activities would be diminished without this ritual, but it is a hazard in the workplace.  The distraction, expense, and lack of hygiene are intolerable.  Anyone caught in a celebratory mood will be reprimanded, will be disallowed cigarettes, and subjected to remediation, whatever that is.
    As always, my door is open to anyone with concerns or suggestions about how to make BPL the best company possible.

Steven Brower
Supervisor, Department of Cautious Pessimism
CC: Propaganda Division