BPL Corporate Headquarters
Bushwick, Brooklyn, New York
Office of Identification,
Department of Trinkets
It has come to the attention of the Executive office that a BPL employee's girlfriend has been given the opportunity to visit China for six (6) weeks. Certainly, this turn of events represents some kind of achievement on her part, some accolade or accomplishment worthy of applause. But we are not concerned with that happy circumstance at this juncture.
What we at BPL are interested in is the fact that this could be an opportunity to finally have a BPL product manufactured in China. This would represent yet another notch in our corporate belt, legitimacy-wise. And you, fair member of the consuming public, can help.
Brower Propulsion Laboratory must raise $1,226.47 USD (at least) to send our employee to China on a secret mission. Ostensibly, he will be there to help her with the aforementioned accomplishment, but in reality, he will be carrying out BPL-002, our second official mission. He will be making, by hand, small, tourist style landscape paintings of the Chinese landscape in Henan province and environs. These products will represent BPL's foray into global manufacturing. In keeping with BPL's other activities, this mission will be underfunded and lack in certain vital components, such as intellect, but will at least be guaranteed to be accomplished (owing to low expectations).
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
To help Brower Propulsion Laboratory carry out its second mission, you can send a check or money order to:
393 Bushwick Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11206
Please make this instrument payable to "Steven Brower"
WHAT YOU WILL GET:
At the completion of the mission you will receive by post:
1) Hand made-in-China-by-American landscape sketch art painting or similar, at least 5" X 7" in dimension, signed, dated, and otherwise verified at the point of manufacture.
2) Complete BPL Mission Report, in inimitable yet cheap BPL style
FOR ADDITIONAL DONATIONS BEYOND THE 50 BUCKS, YOU WILL ALSO RECEIVE:
3) A Certificate Of Authenticity, suitable for filing, which describes your artwork painting sketch in exhaustive detail, places it in the context of other patrons' gifts, numerically, and is wax-sealed and shiny.
4) One (1) share of BPL, represented by our new "Stock Certificate", which, while having no cash value, is nonetheless quite sincere, gesture-wise.
It is hardly necessary to emphasize the importance for BPL to have a global presence. As the smallest and least well equipped of all known aerospace manufacturing companies, we have to be innovative when it comes to production. For instance, we can think of no other company that doesn't even pay its employees as a matter of policy. So for us to have a facility in China, spewing out our products at unheard of rates and for unheard of rates, albeit manifested as just one person doodling on a kind of vacation, is a chance of a lifetime. If BPL is something you have never heard of, please look at our website, browerpropulsionlab.com, or that of one of our employees, stevenbrower.com. At these sites you can download information about past missions and half-assed plans, previous schemes and future intentions.
This mission is scheduled to take place beginning in mid April, 2008. Multiple orders are welcomed, but pre payment is necessary. You should receive your Mission Relics by the beginning of June, 2008. If you would like an email update of the mission planning and other "progress", just let us know.
From the management team at BPL, we want to sincerely thank you for your support, such as it is.