BPL Spelling Policy Executive Review (SPEW)

22 December, 2009

It has come to the attention of this desk, and the person or persons sitting behind or on it, that a memo was sent out recently without our approval.  Clearly stated in the BPL Bylaws, in the BPL Handbook (I'll let you figure out which page and paragraph as penance), is the directive that all Memos, documents, notes, literature, sermons, graphic representations or novels (or even descriptions), files, or scrivenations of any kind must be approved by the Sanitation Desk.  We discovered that the word 'RECEIVING' was spelled 'RECIEVING' in the subject line of an electronic missive sent to the entire network on 21 December, 2009.  Here is a real email we got in response:
i before e, except after c, or when sounds like a(long), as in "neighbor" or "weigh"
 
Exceptions:  seize, inveigle, either, weird, leisure, neither.
 
your professor,
Peter
To the Author of the Original Memo:
Now, you might say to yourself, 'that's just a petty sniping at our single flaw; there's no mention of all the dozens of words in the document we spelled correctly!', but that's not the point!  This guy, after getting that document, and looking over all the hard work this company put into devising it, and all the somewhat less hard work it might have put into whatever the document refers to, this guy, who is technically right you know, says, 'yeah, whatever, but you spelled this word wrong, so screw you!"  And that is his prerogative.  He will probably never send us his business, never look at our website, and never be convinced that we are for real - no matter how many 'free samples' and coupons or robotic midnight telephone calls we barrage him with.  Who knows how many other potential clients you permanently redirected to our competitors?

On the other hand, maybe we are better off without such clients.  This fellow probably has other standards that could be used against our products.  If he's into spelling errors, just think of what he'd do with the out-of-plane optics or our 'eyeball' measuring system for machining with hundred year old tools?  There would be no end to the complaints.  So, I changed my mind- good job!  Let's eliminate these sticklers from our mailing lists!  There must be someone out there who agrees with us that 'It's the thought that counts'.

Also, I do recognize the fact that the memo in question came from the highest office in the company, and that is why I have chosen to negate in the second half of this memo what I stated in the first half.  I feel that it is not wrong to correct your superiors; it is a duty, but it is also stupid if you want to keep your job.  I figure the CEO is too busy to read all the way down to the bottom of this and everyone else around here would sympathize with my position.  Maybe I won't send this after all.